As Eid-ul-Fitri approaches, highways across Malaysia fill with cars, airports grow crowded, and cities gradually empty as people make their journey home.
The familiar ritual of balik kampung is more than a festive tradition. It is a homecoming of the hearts — a moment when children return to sit next to their parents, who once cared for them tirelessly.
This annual migration reflects something deeply embedded in Malaysian and Asian culture: the belief that family bonds extend across generations.
Yet beneath the joyful reunions of Eid lies a quieter reality. For many older parents, these visits are rare islands of togetherness in a long sea of waiting.
Urbanisation, economic pressures, and modern lifestyles have reshaped how families live. Children move to cities for education and employment; grandchildren grow up far from their grandparents; daily contact becomes occasional phone calls or short messages.
Development has brought prosperity, but it has also stretched the threads that once bound generations close together.
In the past, it was common for several generations to live under one roof. Grandparents played central roles in the household — providing childcare, sharing wisdom, and shaping family values.
Today, many older persons live alone, with only a spouse, or increasingly in assisted living or nursing homes.
The emotional landscape of ageing has therefore changed. Many parents do not complain openly about loneliness. Instead, it appears in small gestures: a meal carefully prepared for a child who may arrive late, a favourite chair kept ready for a visiting grandchild, or a quiet question about when the next visit might be.
Caring For Parents: A Moral Responsibility
Islam places immense importance on kindness towards parents, particularly when they grow old.
Allah reminds believers in the Qur’an:
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents. When one or both of them reach old age, do not say to them even ‘uff’, nor repel them, but speak to them a noble word.”
(Surah Al-Isra’, 17:23)
This verse captures a profound truth about ageing. As parents grow older, their physical strength may decline, their independence may diminish, and their emotional needs may deepen. Islam calls upon children not merely to tolerate these changes, but to respond with patience, dignity, and compassion.
Prophet Muhammad emphasised this responsibility repeatedly. In a famous narration, when asked who deserves the best companionship, the Prophet replied three times:
“Your mother… your mother… your mother… then your father.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
In another narration, the Prophet warned:
“May he be humbled… the one who finds his parents in old age and does not enter Paradise through serving them.”
(Sahih Muslim)
These teachings remind us that caring for ageing parents is not merely a cultural expectation — it is a moral duty.
When Parents Live In Nursing Homes
Today, however, an increasing number of older persons do not live in their own homes or villages. Some reside in assisted living facilities, nursing homes, or charitable elder care centres.
In such situations, the responsibility of children does not diminish.
Visiting parents in nursing homes should carry the same importance as returning to the family home in the village. For elderly residents, a visit from a son or daughter may be the highlight of their week, month, or even year. The presence of family reassures them that they remain loved, remembered, and valued.
Too often, however, visits become infrequent once parents enter institutional care.
A society must ask itself a difficult question: does placing a parent in a facility absolve children of emotional responsibility?
The answer must surely be no.
When Culture Needs Policy Support
Across Asia, governments are increasingly recognising that traditional family support structures are under strain.
Several countries have introduced filial responsibility laws that require adult children to support or maintain contact with their ageing parents.
Singapore’s Maintenance of Parents Act, for example, allows elderly parents to seek financial support from adult children who neglect them. China’s Elderly Rights Law goes further by requiring children to visit or maintain regular contact with their parents.
These laws are not intended to replace family affection with legal enforcement. Rather, they reflect a policy recognition that modern societies sometimes need institutional reinforcement to protect vulnerable elders.
Malaysia has long relied on the strength of family values to ensure care for older persons. While this tradition remains strong, demographic and social changes are gradually testing its resilience.
Public discussion about elder care policies — including minimum visitation expectations for institutionalised parents — may therefore become increasingly relevant in the years ahead.
Such policies would not aim to punish families, but rather to affirm a shared societal commitment: that no older person should feel abandoned in the final chapters of life.
Eid As A Time Of Renewal
Eid-ul-Fitri offers a powerful opportunity to reflect on these responsibilities.
When families gather after the Eid prayer, when grandchildren run through the house, and when adult children sit beside their ageing parents, something deeply meaningful is restored.
These moments reaffirm bonds that modern life often strains. In a society that is rapidly ageing, such moments carry deeper significance.
As Malaysia’s population steadily greys, policies on health care, long-term care, and elder rights will become increasingly important. Yet even the most sophisticated systems cannot replace the emotional support that families provide.
The strength of Eastern societies has long rested on intergenerational solidarity — the belief that families care for one another across the life course. Eid reminds us that this responsibility is both personal and collective.
In the rush of modern life, it is easy to postpone visits, promising to return “when things are less busy.” But ageing does not pause for our convenient schedules.
For elderly parents, the visit itself is often the greatest gift. More than elaborate celebrations or expensive presents, what they cherish most is presence — the warmth of their children nearby, the voices of grandchildren filling the room, and the reassurance that they are not forgotten.
To all CodeBlue readers, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Eid Mubarak, and happy holidays. May this blessed season bring forgiveness, renewal, and the opportunity to show kindness to those who once showed it to us first.
Dr Zarihah Zain is a public health physician who retired from the Ministry of Health in 2012 and is now a part-time lecturer in community medicine and medical ethics. She is also vice-president of the Malaysian Women’s Action for Tobacco Control and Health (MyWATCH).
Dr Nabilla Mohsrin Al-Sadat is a public health physician with a Master’s degree in Health Economics. She is also auditor at MyWATCH.
- This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of CodeBlue
